Coffee and Revelation: Thanks to C-SPAN and Madeleine Albright

As a teacher, I am sometimes surprised at what students say they actually learn from me—some of the most significant things have to do with me just being me. So, it was with Madeleine Albright and I. One morning while she was just being herself, she taught me some very important lessons about women and leadership.

It began one day when I was watching C-SPAN over my morning coffee. Madeleine Albright on was testifying before a Congressional committee on how we should proceed regarding the U.S. involvement Iraq war. After her testimony, she answered questions from many Congresspeople who almost unanimously opened their questioning with comments of great praise and respect for Albright.

I thought about how I’ve allowed myself to believe that being an intelligent, strong-willed, determined woman will often mean that I am not heard and not respected. And, yes, gender sometimes plays some part in that. But, it’s also true that if you work hard enough and long enough at something, eventually some people will understand your mission and purpose. And, even those that don’t agree with your ideas, may at least respect your commitment to them. I saw that in the respect Albright had earned from her colleagues.However, my real awakening was yet to come.

A Republican Congressman (whose name I’ve conveniently blotted out of my memory) opened his remarks with a scathing set of accusations implying that it was Albright’s fault that we were facing the situation in Iraq. I watched with amazement as she listened to his tirade without becoming visibly upset. His remarks made it apparent that he had been in office long enough to have dealt with her while she was Secretary of State, and that there was “no love lost” between them.

I was stunned to hear someone speak to a professional colleague in such a childish tone, especially in a public forum, and my anticipation of her response became even more heightened the longer he talked. Since I have been in these types of situations many times, I wanted to see how Albright would handle this one. And, she showed me something that I hadn’t seen before. Honesty.

Albright opened her response to his “questions” with an obviously sarcastic comment about “what a pleasure it was for her to continue their always ‘collegial’ relationship” or some such thing—basically, she said “I know you’ve never liked me and I’ve never liked you either.” But, it was how she continued that impressed me even more. She basically said, “But, that doesn’t mean that we can’t solve problems together” and then went on to explain her response to his questions in the most honest, non-political language that I’d heard in a long time.

There was one more very significant moment in her testimony for me. She was trying to make the point that we must use diplomacy, not just military might, to resolve the issues in Iraq (and Iran)—that they will not be resolved with military force alone. She had already made it clear that in her view, the greatest mistake the Bush Administration made was to end bi-lateral talks with Iraq and Iran. Bush has been determined to lump countries together into multi-lateral talks with the U.S. instead of honoring their individual sovereignty and unique national concerns.
Albright described other international negotiations that she’d engaged in and made this point: you don’t have to like someone to sit down at the table with them. She also explained that nothing gets resolved if you don’t stay at the table and work through your differences. She added that even when you see no common ground, and you despise everything the other group stands for, you have to continue to talk.

Lastly, she made it clear that she did not feel it was necessary to “pretend” to like policies with which you do not agree or people whose behavior you don’t like—making it clear that one could be honest and still get things done. I made the connection between that idea and the angry Congressman who had questioned her earlier. I saw that there was no “love lost” between them, but I also saw that they were both still at the table trying to work on the issues in spite of it.

One of the lessons for me was this. I’ve thought that one of the reasons that my visions for how to solve problems are not heard is because of my “style” of delivery—that is, because people perceive me as too strong and determined and this is inappropriate gender behavior. In other words, I’ve believed that the primary reason that I wasn’t heard in so many professional situations was that in a patriarchal society no one can hear a strong, intelligent, determined woman. She’ll always be ignored and discounted as an “angry bitch” with “the tone” (an accusation that was frequently lodged at me, especially early in my professional life). This false belief had caused me to keep a low-profile, and continue to be a worker bee in the trenches instead of moving into larger leadership roles.

What Albright showed me was that some people will always view me negatively, but that even though sexism does exist it does not need to stop me. There will also be more wise individuals who can learn to respect my honesty, my strength, my courage, my determination, and my commitment to the things that I hold dear.

Another lesson that Albright taught me is that unlike Blanche DuBois, I do not need to be dependent on the “kindness of strangers.” She reminded me of the lesson that I am still learning—my sense of identity must come from within, must be guided by my own vision of who I am, of what my strengths are, of what I have to offer in this life, not by the good (or bad) opinion of others. I must continue to engage in the lifelong struggle to undo an internalized negative self image.

Albright also reminded me that I must never waver in my determination to seek role models and mentors who are women. I don’t mean to say that men have nothing to show me about leadership. But, listening to Albright that day reminded me about the ways in which my experiences as a woman in a patriarchy have a profound influence on how I perceive my life and how others perceive me. Given the facts of our gendered society, if I seek to create a model for what my own vision of leadership, I’m more likely to have profound insights about how that might work by understanding how other women leaders have been successful.

So, thank you to C-SPAN and to Madeleine Albright, who while just being herself one day mentored an unknown woman thousands of miles away. I hope that readers of this “thank you note” are also reminded of the biggest lesson of them all—how important it is for each of us to simply be ourselves. Do not follow someone else’s script for your life. Write your own!